Obviously the terrorist threat is an obvious one. But we must not forget the other daily horrors that await us. Horrid, despicable monsters are ready to pounce on America. One day they will rise against us and we must be prepared.

Obviously, I am talking about the ZOMBIE THREAT™. Laugh if you will, but the preview of the first ten minutes of the Dawn of the Dead remake (it was on Monday night at 10:00pm EST on USA network) shows the results of a mass uprising by the dead against the living. Milwaukee was obviously unprepared as unescorted EMTs were sent out into the midst of the zombie infestation. They, of course, wound up becoming casualties, one because he startled a woman who was trying to escape a zombie attack by her lover/husband. News of the zombie threat was not believed or widespread as the population was totally unprepared. The only person on one block who had armed himself was run over by an out of control ambulance while in his pajamas!

Total unprepardness on the part of the citizens of Milwaukee meant mass chaos. Simple things such as instantly killing anyone infected (including loved ones), barricading your home, and heading to a safe zone were not followed. Some tips on zombie survival are available on the official Dawn of the Dead movie site.

After looking around I discovered an entire zombie survival manual. I am not sure how effective the advice is, but a little knowledge is better then none.

Also, the tactics must change with the evolving zombie threat. Whereas the '70s-'80s style zombie is a slow menacing monster travelling at a a speed barely above a shamble, the '00s style zombie of 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead (2004) are fast movers, able to keep pace with anyone running in panic. This changes the entire zombie survival equation.

Combine this with zombie metamorphasis times after a bite varying from a few seconds in 28 Days Later to the seconds, minutes, or hours of Dawn of the Dead, the rate of zombie spread must also be adjusted. Expect the worse: an exponential(fibonacci-esque?) growth rate as one zombie can infect another, then those two can infect two more, and so on.

In the event of a zombie attack, my ultimate plan is to head to the armory near the state capitol (after grabbing some water, food, and a weapon), I am at most 15 minutes away by car. If I hear news of the zombie threat soon enough I can get there before the roads are blocked by traffic. Once there my protection will consist of guys with M-16s and politicians trying to save their own asses. Obviously, very good protection.

If for some reason this is not feasible (the zombies manage to take over the capitol/armory somehow) then my alternate escape plans consist of joining a group of whiny and weird people and try to get out of the city. These people will be left one by one to be killed by the zombies as they make obvious and stupid mistakes.

Unless you have a scientist among your team, finding a cure is simply out of the question. The best chance is to last 60 days: the zombies eat/kill everyone and everything in the first 30 days, then starve to death after that. Manage that, and you can "fall in love and f--k" with the opposite members of your team.